The Deep Wound of Complex Trauma
Understanding Trauma
Shock Trauma vs. Complex Trauma
As a culture, we have come to understand that trauma is a real and powerful force that changes us, sometimes so indelibly that we are forever changed.
Our knowledge of trauma has grown through our understanding of “shock” trauma, also known as Type 1 trauma. Shock trauma - by its name - are the sudden, unexpected, overwhelming events that befall us (mostly without warning) and shatter the ordinary flow of life: car accidents, natural disasters, assault, the sudden death of a loved one, combat, for example. Shock traumas are markedly different from daily life, shocking, and have a very clear beginning and a very clear end.
Complex trauma, also known as Type 2 trauma - by its name also - is much more complex and subtle than shock trauma. Rather than being one dramatic moment in time, complex trauma is woven repeatedly into the fabric of our early, everyday life through the repeated wounding of harm, rejection or disconnection from significant others. This is a relational trauma, with the wounding most often stemming from relationships that are meant to provide us care, safety and connection - our attachment relationships.
Complex trauma is the wounding that occurs within us from repeated experiences of feeling powerless, unseen, or unsafe in significant relationships where we deeply rely on the other person. These repeated transgressions often lead to a chronic undercurrent of fear, uncertainty, and disconnection within us.
When the fundamental relationships where we should feel safe, seen, and valued become sources of harm and wounding, these repeated injuries, over time, carve deep, enduring patterns within us. They harmfully shape what we believe about ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we navigate the world around us.
Cause of Complex Trauma
The wounding of complex trauma can occur by repeated experiences of harm where events were happening that we do not want to happen:
Sexual abuse
Physical abuse
Family/ domestic violence
Chronic family stress
Parental death
Parental drug abuse
High-conflict divorce or a high-conflict marriage
Bullying or peer violence
Exposure to community violence
Incarceration of a parent
Substance abuse in the household
Witnessing suicide attempts or self-harm by a caregiver
Complex trauma is caused not only by events that happen to us, but also by repeated and ongoing instances where things didn't happen that we needed to have happen:
Absence or lack of basic needs, like food, shelter, hygiene, medical care
Lack of safety and stability in the home
Lack or absence of care and nurturing due to parental mental health issues or drug addiction
Attachment trauma: lack of attunement by attachment figures
Being unseen, unheard, and unacknowledged by significant adults
Absence of warmth, nurturing or comforting behaviors from caregiver
Lack of a trusted or safe adult
Each of these ‘omission’ and ‘commission’ events can lead to a deeply rooted sense of disconnection, helplessness, and distress.
How Complex Trauma Changes Us
When we experience ongoing, repeated wounding within important relationships, especially during the early years of childhood and adolescence, the trajectory of our development is forever altered.
Everything changes:
Our nervous system and how we respond to threat and stress
Our ability to regulate intense emotions
Our ability to feel safe or connected to our bodies
The way we see ourselves and our beliefs of self-worth
Our sense of connectedness and belonging to others
Our ability to trust
The beliefs we hold about ourselves, others and the world
Unlike the shock of type 1 trauma, where there is an event that has happened which we need to overcome, complex trauma becomes the filter through which we see everything: ourselves, our past, others, the threats we identify. Everything.
For each of us, some of these effects are obvious – the ones that stir up issues in our relationships, or how we show up in relationships as adults. However, there are further impacts that are more subtle, sometimes even unknown, until we begin to question, reflect, and open ourselves up to new perspectives. This is the gift we give ourselves through healing.
Self-blame is complex trauma’s constant companion. We tend to personalise our wounding, with beliefs like: “I’m just an anxious/angry/sensitive person” or “I don’t do well with people.”
Or we blame ourselves for the problems in our lives, asking, “Why am I still bothered by this?” or “Why can’t I just keep it together like everyone else?”
These are simplistic, flawed explanations for why we think, feel, and act the way we do. But these are trauma responses - expressions of what you’ve lived through - they are not authentic aspects of who you truly, authentically are, even though they may feel deeply ingrained and familiar.
There are real, biological, and entirely understandable reasons why you think, feel, act, and relate to others when complex trauma is part of your history. You are not broken, and you are not wrong. If you're ready to understand yourself more deeply, with compassion, and embrace real change and growth…this is where it starts.